Of Diaries and Journals
by BrokenHeartedExorcist
Summary: Diaries keep secrets, truths, hopes and they record pasts. Allen Walker, kept a diary during his years he was an exorcist. Lavi Bookman was one other person that to kept a diary, his reason being that he could not show emotions to the real world.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello to all that are reading my story. I hope you like this story, it has kind of a confusing story line. So I'll give you the main idea. **

**So, Allen and Lavi keep their own diaries. They write in them for the same reasons. And when Allen is leaving to go to another branch of the Black Order Lavi is leaving as well to continue his training as a bookman. When they are packing they run into each other mistaking their dairies for their own when really they have each others diaries. Then the story starts. **

**Note: In this story Lavi has a new allis Rabi, I know it's the same as Lavi I just needed a new allis for Lavi to go along with my story. I also didn't have an exact idea on what time in the 19th c****entury D. Gray man revolved around. All I know is that it happened early in the 19th century. So I used the year of 1887 to base my story around. **

- O -

Diaries keep secrets, truths, hopes and they record pasts. Both the writer's past and the people that lived around them pasts as well. It may sound corny or cheesy but its true. Most people have a diary for fun or a way to vent. Not Allen Walker, he kept a diary during his years he was an exorcist. Mostly to write down the unsaid, he also wrote down a few stray notes and such that he didn't want to forget about.

Lavi Bookman was one other person that to kept a diary, his reason being that he could not show emotions to the real world. He used the diary to create his own world, his safe haven.

They both kept diaries for the same reasons. To keep part of themselves hidden from the world.

They both started writing at the same time. Well not exactly, they both started keeping diaries when they joined the Black Order. So Allen started his before Lavi.

They didn't find out about each others diaries until the day Allen was leaving for another branch of the Black Order and Lavi was leaving the Black Order with Bookman to record more history. They were both packing and ran into each other in the hall, literally. Their diaries got mixed up in the process, seeing how they were exactly the same it was easy to confuse the two.

It wasn't till ten months after Lavi had left with Bookman that he went to write in his diary only to find it wasn't really his diary he took, nope it was Allen's.

XxXxXxX

"Ah here it is!" Lavi triumphantly held what he thought was his diary high in the air. "Now lets see here." Lavi pulled out the key that opened the lock to the diary from his pocket and tinkered with the lock until it made a 'click' sound.

"What the hell?" Lavi flipped open the book to find a drawing of Timcampy on the first page. He flipped that page over to see notes that stretched over four pages until he finally came to what looked like to be the first diary entry.

_March 27__th__, 1887 _

_Dear Diary, _

_This is my first time writing a diary. So here it goes. Today was my first day at the Black Order. I met some new people, Lenalee Lee the younger sister of Kamui Lee. She is very nice and kind towards me for some reason or another. She has long dark green hair, big green eyes and believe it or not, she has an anti akuma weapon like me. Only she is what they call an equip type. Where the innocence is an object instead of a body part like me. She calls her innocence dark boots, considering they are shoes it does kind of fit. As for her brother, talk about having a sister complex! He is insane, between his obsession about his sister and that he's a psycho scientist he comes across as utterly terrifying. I also met Kanda, that is one person who could use a chill pill. He could melt an ice cube with just the simple act of looking at it! As for what he looks like he has hair as long as Lenalee and girly looks. Please don't tell him I said that! Well there is my first day at the Black Order. I look forward to writing the next entry. _

_Allen Walker- _

"Wait, did I read that right?" Lavi read through the entry again. "No way this is Allen's diary." Lavi looked at the diary surprised. "Wait, if I have his diary then that means he has mine!" Lavi sat shocked. "Oh shit, oh shit." Lavi started to slap his head with his hand leaving a bright red mark on his forehead.

XxXxXxX

"Hmm, I still have yet to find my di- ah here it is!" Allen pulled what he believed to be his diary out of an old cardboard box from under his bed. "It's been a while since I've last written in this, has it not?" Allen pulled out the key that accompanied the diary out of his pocket. Soon afterwards he had opened the diary and sat on the cold tile floor below him lost for words. This wasn't his diary. How he knew was because the picture he had drawn of Timcampy wasn't there.

"Lets just see who's this is." The young exorcist flipped to the page were the diary first began.

_April 17__th__, 1887_

_Dear Journal, _

_I know that's not the original opening for a diary entry but I feel that the term dear diary is so redundant and girly. For I am a man so I will call you a journal not a diary got it? Anyway, Today was my first day at the Black Order. Gramps and I are going in as exorcists to record history from the view point of an exorcist themself. I was only here for even four days when Gramps and I were called out to take care of two injured exorcists. Gramps wasn't all to exited about it, well that was until Kamui told us that one of these exorcists was the destroyer of time, Allen Walker. When we were leaving on the train I was expecting this 'destroyer of time' to be an over confident, selfish, ungrateful excuse for a human. Man was I anything but right. Allen Walker looked like an angel laying in that hospital bed. I watched over him for a few days before he woke up. Damn was I really wrong about this boy, he was nice, kind, caring, willing, grateful, and just plain amazing. I have a lot to learn from this kid. _

_Lavi Bookman. Jr-_

Allen just sat and gasped in shock. This was Lavi's diary. "Lavi..." Allen thought of his old friend. "Should I really be reading this?" Allen asked himself confused of what to do. "He won't be coming back... So I guess there's no harm." Allen settled down on his bed and flipped through Lavi's 'journal' observing how many pages flipped being written on. "Well, this is going to take a while to read." Allen smiled amused of how Lavi who seemed to have such a short attention span wrote over 100 pages of entries.

XxXxXxX

"Allen sure did write a lot." Lavi mumbled to himself as he flipped through Allen's diary. "I guess there's no harm. I mean think about it I can be recording unknown things! That's not all bad." Lavi spoke trying to convince himself for one reason or another.

"Hmm, how about I just read from the beginning to the end." Lavi decided instead of reading randomly around. "Ok lets begin." Lavi smiled before reading the next entry.

_April 21__st, __1887 _

_Dear Diary, _

_I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. It's just that I got assigned my first mission with Kanda, (that was a true pain in the ass) then I went off on a mission with Lenalee and got severely injured. I actually just woke up today. And I met this strangest guy, Lavi Bookman. He just seems different than anyone else I have ever met. He is a cheerful and peppy person but he also has a very serious side to him as well. He is a successor to the bookman line. Bookman himself is kind of a grumpy old man. Or how Lavi puts it he's an old panda. Don't ask why he calls him that because I don't know that either. Maybe because of his short plump looks with black rings around his eyes? Anyway, I look forward to seeing how Lavi takes the job of being an exorcist. _

_Allen Walker- _

"Hmm, so even Allen thinks Gramps looks like a panda." Lavi smirked that someone had finally understood his logic about Bookman's looks. A chiming noise came from the side of Lavi's room. It was an old wooden wall clock that was shouting out to Lavi telling him to get his butt in bed. "Eleven o'clock already?" Lavi groaned as he watched the clock tick back and forth counting the seconds that passed by.

"Well, better get to bed." Lavi sighed closing allen's diary opening his deck drawer digging under a stack of history records where a wooden carved box sat. Pulling out the box he sat down on his bed using the same key he opened both his and Allen's diaries with he unlocked the box opening it slowly revealing old items from his past. These items included rings, some old earrings (that were to small for him now), an old feathered pen, his bandana from the order, his hammer, and the ace of spades that Allen had dropped back in China during his run in with Tyki Myki. That was one thing that Lavi protected with his life, even though he knew Bookman would be furious. But, there was just something about that card that made him feel, human. It reminded him of when he had true friends and true comrades.

Lavi gently placed Allen's diary inside the wooden box locking it and storing it back inside his drawer hidden from eyesight. He then crawled into his bed kicking of his shoes, before he fell into a deep sleep only thinking about Allen's diary.

XxXxXxX

"I think I'll just read Lavi's second entry before I head to bed." Allen sighed looking up at his clock that rested high on his wall. As Allen flipped the page in Lavi's journal he snuggled into his bed making himself comfortable.

_April 20__th__, 1887 _

_Dear Journal, _

_Allen Walker is one intriguing boy, his outlook on life is quite interesting. I don't know why but I have become very interested in this boy. People are just ink on paper are they not? I a bookman should not have any interest in anything but history. I guess you could qualify this as history could you not? Oh well, I just need to push these feelings away. Bookman have no need for feelings, do they not? _

_Lavi Bookman. Jr- _

Allen just sat there re-reading that one paragraph over and over. "I was the one who confused Lavi's feelings?" Allen whispered to himself remembering the last thing Lavi had said to him.

"_My feelings are just so confusing right now. That is part of the reason we are leaving beside the fact that we are done recording history here. Because of one person that molded my feelings I have changed to much, so I guess this is goodbye." _Allen had to admit it was a rushed goodbye but he wasn't focusing on that right now he was to busy focusing on who it was that changed Lavi so much.

"I'm the one who changed Lavi." Allen muttered to himself once more before he placed Lavi's diary back in the cardboard box under his bed. He then rolled over falling asleep thinking about that last entry and Lavi's final words to him.

XxXxXxX

**I hope you liked it so far. I felt that it went pretty well. Please review and tell me how I did for my first chapter! I will continue with this story even if only one person requests it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, I'm sorry for my stupid mistakes last chapter. I fixed them though! I would like to thank DGrayManFanatic for helping me correct my stupid mistakes, Thank you! :3 Shout outs go to: TykiforLife, DgrayManFanatic, EvangelineRose2412 and j99450! Onto the story! **

- O -

"Get your lazy ass out of bed Rabi." A scruffy old voice awakened the sleeping succsesor who was trying to ignore Bookman. Still Lavi stayed put acting as if he had not heard Bookman.

"Get out of bed, Lavi." Bookman rephrased sending electric waves down Lavi's back. Slowly Lavi sat up stretching his arms above his head yawning. _Right, Rabi is my new name. It's hard to get used to after responding to Lavi for three years. _Lavi thought as he stretched his muscles.

"You need to get used to your new name." The old man spoke coldly and harshly as he glared at the yawning redhead in front of himself.

"Yeah, yeah." Lavi mumbled throwing the covers off himself. _I honestly could care less about my new name. After all I far proffered Lavi as my name, so I will still go as Lavi when you're not around old coot. _

"Now that you're up get to work." Bookman spoke harshly as he always did. "I've prepared a list of what I expect done this week, get started." Bookman handed Lavi a wrinkled piece of paper.

"Ok, don't worry I'll get it done." Lavi mumbled grabbing the paper out of Bookman's hand only to put it down on his desk.

"You better, I'll be going know. Get your work done and I might give you a lighter work load next week." Bookman spoke as he walked out of Lavi's room lightly closing the door behind himself leaving Lavi alone.

Lavi had soon made it over to his desk after changing into a clean pair of clothes. He picked up the paper reading what was roughly written down. "Lets see here..." Lavi spoke slipping into his serious face as he sat down in his chair.

_- Report the variations of missions at the Black order._

_-Report first sight perspectives of the battle field. _

_-Copy down (word for word) books on Akuma. _

_-Record Allen Walker's experiences at the Black order. This task will take a fair amount of time so feel free to take more than a few days to complete this. _

Lavi read over the list carefully paying close attention to every task he had yet to complete. "Might as well do the easiest on the list first." Lavi sighed seeing how they were all long and unruly tasks. He pulled out a stack of paper from his desk drawer along with a pen.

Lavi sighed getting up from his seat for a brief second, walking over to the book shelf on the side of his room, his picked out five books. Two of which had names in different languages. Taking his seat once again, Lavi flipped open the first book in his stack stopping on a page. After reading the context Lavi wrote at the top of the paper in front of him **Mission variations of the Black Order**. After writing said down he began to write more below the title looking back to the book occasionally.

Six hours had passed since Lavi had started this report. The wall clock on the side of his room chimed making Lavi sigh as he stretched his arms above his head for a brief second before he brought his attention back to his work. Counting the pages he had written down Lavi sighed in astonishment seeing how he had written twenty pages of text, front and back. "One down, three more to go." Lavi groaned irritated by his work.

"Which should I do next?" Lavi brought his attention back to the list of tasks. "How about I do Allen's next? After all he does interest me so I won't lose interest half way through my work." Lavi talked as if he was reasoning something with himself.

Settling back into his work mode Lavi pulled out huge stacks of notes from his desk letting them fall with a hard 'thump' sound, making the desk quiver from the weight. After organizing the different stacks of notes Lavi moved his previous report to the side of his desk making room for his next task.

Three hours went by with Lavi referring back to different notes. Now having five pages (front and back) done Lavi decided to give himself a short well deserved break. Pushing his chair away from his desk Lavi stretched his legs out as well as his arms while still sitting. "I wonder if I could read one more entry before I head back to work..." Lavi asked himself pondering the outcome. "Technically I would still be learning about Allen so I guess it would be alright to read just one entry." Lavi grinned due to his own twisted reasoning.

Getting up from his chair Lavi walked over to his desk rummaging through his drawer he pulled out his wooden box, opening it Lavi pulled out Allen's diary. "Lets see here." Lavi mumbled as he sat down on his bed flipping through a couple pages of Allen's diary. "Ah, here we go." Lavi smiled as he began to read the entry.

_April 25__th__, 1887 _

_Dear Diary, _

_Kanda, Lavi, Bookman and I just got back from the strangest place. It would be a raging blizzard one minute, and the next it there would be hot winds. As it turns out it was innocence, as suspected. Bookman stayed out of all the battles while Kanda, Lavi and I fought. I passed out during out first battle due to being whipped with strong winds while snow buried me. After I passed out Lavi carried me on his back. Yes, it was very nice of him to do so but I have to admit it was a little embarrassing when I woke up to find myself on the back of my new friend. When I did come to my senses I tried to get myself off his back. That didn't turn out very well, I almost knocked him over on top of me while I lost my balance and fell off his back into the snow. Anyway, that aside I feel that the Black Order has really become my home. When we return from missions there is always someone who says "Welcome home!" It just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside knowing that there are people who care about me. Sorry about the rambling, but I guess you're just gonna have to put up with it considering how I ramble a lot. Well, that's it for now so bye. _

_Allen Walker-_

Lavi just chuckled to himself after reading the entry. "Sounds as if Sprout had a crush on me." Lavi grinned closing the diary wanting to read more but he knew he couldn't. Seeing how he had a lot of work to do he couldn't waste one more second. Placing Allen's diary back in his wooden box and back in his drawer. Afterwards he sat back down at his desk and got back to work.

- O -

"God, I thought that training would never end." Allen groaned as he walked in his room flopping down on his bed both physically and mentally tired. "I wonder when we're gonna start back up on our normal missions again instead of training ten to twelve hours a day." Allen sighed rolling over on his side kicking off his boots in the process.

"I should be able to read one more entry from Lavi's journal before I head to bed." Allen sighed sitting up on his bed. He then got up from his bed only to kneel next to it while he rummaged under it, soon afterwards his hand came out with Lavi's journal. Sitting back down Allen sighed in relief flipping through the journal as he laid down making himself comfortable. He stopped on the page he had left off on yesterday and began to read.

_April 27__th__, 1887 _

_Dear Journal, _

_So many reports... Sorry about not writing in a while but the old panda has been practically burying me in paper work. This may be the only free time I will get for this week or even for the next couple weeks. Anyway, I believe that Allen Walker is the said destroyer of time. Why? Well, I just got back from a mission with him and Kanda. Not only talking to him and hearing his motives but also witnessing him fight is enough evidence for me. However gramps still wants more facts that can help him prove if he is or isn't the destroyer of time. Honestly I believe this boy will make history. And one day or another I will be recording his existence and I will have to remember everyone here along with Allen himself. When I remember my previous 'lives' it feels as if I am watching a movie in my mind. It can be somewhat painful remembering some of these 'lives' and the people in them. But I as a bookman have to push through and throw aside any emotions tied to these experiences. As for they are just ink on paper. _

_Lavi Bookman. Jr- _

Allen just sat baffled at what he had just read. "That's right, we are just nothing but ink on paper to him aren't we?" Allen spoke coldly hating to admit the truth but that's all they were to Lavi, just ink on paper.

Allen sat in silence pondering if he should read another entry or not. Suddenly out of nowhere Timcampy flew in front of Allen's face making the young exorcist jump in surprise letting out a muted yelp. "W-what is it Timcampy?" Allen stuttered a little shaken up. The golden golem flew around Allen's head as if he were trying to catch his attention.

"What's wrong Timcampy?" Allen asked confused by the actions of Timcampy. Landing on Lavi's journal Timcampy stomped his tiny stub of a foot on the page Allen was reading. Allen just sat confused staring mystified by the small creature.

Timcampy let out what was presumed to be a sigh and spined his body around now moving his tiny legs trying to flip the page. "Do you want me to keep on reading?" Allen asked the golem while he tilted his head.

Timcampy fluttered his wings and gave Allen one of his signature creepy grins. "I'll take that as a yes." Allen slightly shuddered from Timcampy's grin. Timcampy then fluttered his wings just enough to lift himself high enough in the air so he could rest on Allen's forehead.

Flipping the page Allen sighed and began to read again.

_June 2__nd__, 1887 _

_Dear Journal, _

_I am taken back by the kindness focused towards one another here at the black order. Unlike other organizations and battle fields Gramps and I have seen everyone here fights for a reason, a purpose. Lenalee, to protect her friends. Kamui works at the Order to be by his sister's side for support. Kanda, I'm actually not sure... Allen, he fights to save humanity from suffering. In turn he takes all of the pain to protect the people around him. Unlike other places I have seen the Black Order fights without hatred or wrath towards their enemies. They do not wait in excitement for the bloodlust. They all fight for the same cause, to bring salvation. I honestly don't know if I can just think of them as ink on paper anymore. _

_Lavi Bookman. Jr - _

Allen just sat and let out a low chuckle. "Lavi sure changed his mind a lot didn't he?" Allen sighed staring up at the ceiling as he put Lavi's journal down on his lap. "I guess that's what made him Lavi."

- O -

Three months went by with both Allen and Lavi reading each other's diaries. Not all that important of entries were being read. Well, that all changed when they both started to read about Allen's experience in China with Suman and Tyki.

- O -

Lavi sighed sitting down on his bed with allen's diary in hand. He had been looking forward to reading this ll day long. It sounded kind of twisted but it was true. When Lavi started to read he noticed the extensive date change compared. Confused Lavi flipped back one page to see the date written as _September 22__nd__, 1887 _he then flipped back to the previous page to see the date written as _October 9__th__, 1887. _A little confused by the 18 day spread Lavi read the entry.

_October 9__th__, 1887 _

_Dear Diary, _

_I know I have not written in a while but I have an excuse. You see Lenalee and I were fighting Akuma when this giant torso part of a body came out from the sky. It seemed like it was the Akuma's target. After trying to protect the creature I learned from Lenalee that it was a fallen one. An exorcist who has betrayed their innocence. And this exorcist turned out to be Suman Dark, one of Lenalee's closest friends. She didn't take it lightly what so ever. Feeling bad we both went to the right side of the fallen one's chest and saw Suman stuck in this weird substance. Then out of nowhere this young girl poped out of the substance screaming for help. I managed to pull her out. However in the process I was sucked in leaving Lenalee to take the girl to the nearest village. After getting out of the quick sand like substance I fought with Suman trying to get him out. In result he bit my hand for some reason or another. It hurt, I have never had experienced pain like having someone bite through your hand literally. Pushing my innocence to it's limit I managed to pull Suman out however once he was out all my efforts were in vain. He had disappeared into a million purple butterflies, yes butterflies. _

_That is when a Noah called Tyki Myki showed up. I tried to punch him after hearing the horrible things he had done, only resulting in him snapping my wrist. And of course it had to be my left arm that took the blow. It was already screaming in pain but this only made it unbearable. Though I thought that was painful I wasn't aware of how much suffering I would have to go through in the next few minutes. In horror right before my eyes he had ripped my arm right off of my body. That pain was only the beginning. He then shredded it into a million pieces only to take my innocence and crush that as well into tiny dust particles. I screamed for him to stop but he kept going. How I wished to be back on the ship right now with everyone else or even if I could be with Lenalee right now. What happened next terrified me beyond belief. He took what he called 'tease' man-eating butterflies and shoved one into my chest and towards my heart. At that moment everything went black. Not to later afterwards I found myself in the Asian branch of the Black Order. Trying to recover my innocence will take some time but I will make sure I do so. I just wanted to write all of that down before I forget anything about it. I will hopefully recover my innocence and return to the battle field soon. Wish me luck. _

_Allen Walker- _

Lavi just sat stunned, had he really just read that? "That's what really happened to Allen." Lavi still sat shocked by what he had read. "I can't believe that he went through that much pain and suffering in one night."

- O -

Allen dug around under his bed looking for Lavi's journal, seconds later he pulled it out and sat on his bed flipping more than halfway into the book stopping on a page exactly. He chuckled at himself a little amused by how he could just flip right to the page he left off on. He then began to read what looked like somewhat of a short entry.

_September 29__th__, 1887_

_Dear Journal, _

_I have just found out some terrible news, Allen Walker was killed by a Noah called Tyki Myki last night. I was shocked to see Tim's memories of the incident. He was brutally killed by having his arm ripped off of his body. For I am a bookman and I should have no feelings but for some reason when we went to the place where it all happened I found a card that was Allen's, it was his ace of spades. I kept it for some reason. And something even more out of character I did was I cried. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I had feelings for Allen? I don't know, but what I do know is that when I finally meet that bastard Tyki Myki I will personally whop his ass and kick the shit out of him! For not only making me soft and causing Lenalee pain but also for the simple reason of killing Allen. He will feel the pain Allen suffered through. _

_Lavi Bookman, Jr- _

Allen blushed slightly after reading this entry. Lavi really cared for him this much? However, he felt horrible for causing Lenalee pain. After thinking about it for a second Allen remembered when he left the Asian branch Lou Fa, Riki, and Shi Fou gave him his deck of cards back. Thinking harder Allen remembered Lou Fa saying that his ace of spades was missing and they made him a new one.

- O -

**I hoped you all liked this chapter! I'm sorry it's kind of long and rambles a lot. Please REVIEW! Bye until next time! :3 **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, I would like to send some shout outs to DGrayManFanatic, Tykiforlife, and EvangelineRose2412! Thanks for reviewing the last chapter! Onto the story!**

- O -

Lavi had been working endlessly to complete his work he had stayed up very late many nights. To take a well deserved break Lavi went into the small town Bookman and himself lived near. He ended up convincing Bookman that they needed more food, so he was allowed to leave for up to three hours.

Sighing Lavi walked into the small town admiring the beauty of such a unique place. After walking for a short period of time Lavi was called out by someone.

"Good morning Rabi!" Lavi turned around to see a fairly short woman with blonde hair standing next to a café.

"Good morning Kathy." Lavi smiled kindly towards the blonde woman as he walked over to her.

"I haven't seen you or Bookman in a while. Been keeping busy?" Kathy smiled sincerely at Lavi.

"You know it. Gramps has been giving me heaps of work." Lavi grinned sadistically now standing next to the blonde woman.

"Must be tiering." Kathy gave a sympathetic smile while pushing a stray strand of hair out of her face.

"Yeah, hours of endless writing really takes it out of you." Lavi sighed rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

"Good morning Rabi!" Lavi turned once again to see a teenage girl with long blonde hair and the same face structure as Kathy.

"Good morning Olivia, how have you been?" Lavi smiled warmly to the teenager putting a hand in one of his pockets.

"Good, how have you been?" Olivia kindly replied obviously well mannered. She spoke with a hint of a blush on her face as well.

"Same old same old." Lavi sighed once again shifting from one foot to another.

"Anyway, mother do you need help with the restaurant?" Olivia turned towards Kathy.

"If you could go wash the table cloths it would be a huge help." Kathy turned her head slightly to talk to Olivia.

"Ok, be back in a little bit." Olivia smiled be fore she walked off into the café closing the door to the café behind her.

"It seems as though Olivia has taken quite a liking to you Rabi." Kathy winked hoping the successor would get the idea.

"Kathy, with all due respect I would be delighted to go out with your daughter but she's just so young." Lavi used as a cover up keeping the real reason to himself.

"But she is well mannered and she has told me herself she likes you. Even if you just go on one date it would mean the world to her." Kathy pushed obviously wanting this to go through.

"I suppose I could just hang out with her the Friday after next, with her friends." Lavi spoke obviously making it apparent it was a take it or leave it deal.

"Oh she is going to be so happy once I tell her! Thank you Rabi! I promise you won't regret it!" Kathy enthusiastically jumped up and down before she ran off into the café.

"What did I get myself into..." Lavi mumbled before he continued to walk through the town.

- O -

"Hello Fou." Allen smiled warmly to Fou as she walked over to the table he was sitting at in the cafeteria.

"Hey Walker, eating four times your weight in food I see." Fou smirked sitting down with only a small noodle cup in hand.

"You know it. Any new missions coming up?" Allen asked while slurping some spaghetti noodles.

"Not that I've heard of." Fou sighed obviously bored with the topic.

Sighing along with Fou Allen groaned. "Us exorcists haven't done anything useful in the last couple months."

"I know, I've been bored out of my mind to. There's nothing I have to do since no one's been on a mission lately." Fou moaned slipping down into her seat.

"You two sure are a lively bunch." Bak sarcastically joked as he took a seat next to Fou.

"Aren't we." Fou smart mouthed back at Bak.

Sighing Allen continued to eat his monestrous sized lunch. "Bak you know of any missions coming up?"

"No, nothing at all. All Akuma readings are down to the lowest of the low. Only two mission were issued both this month and last to Kanda and Marie." Bak sighed watching Allen scarf down his meal.

"Lucky, they actually have something to do." Allen pouted while seizing his pace in eating for a brief second.

"Hey we have stuff to do here to.. Like, um. Training!" Bak thought off the top of his head.

"We've been doing that for five months." Fou groaned slouching further into her seat.

"Would you prefer us being so overwhelmed with missions that we run out of exorcists to complete the missions?" Bak glanced at Fou rasing an eyebrow.

"No." Fou mumbled admitting partial defeat.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you." Bak pushed loving to hear Fou except defeat.

"I think you heard me just fine if you ever want to see again." Fou threatened glaring at Bak.

"Wait, that doesn't even make sense!" Bak looked confused at Fou as she spoke.

"It doesn't have to." Fou mumbled resting her head on the table.

"But, I... Never mind." Bak shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You two are so perfect for each other." Allen grinned while he ate some cake.

"We are not!" They both shouted in unison. "Stop it!" They both yelled together again. Irritated they glared at each other crossing their arms they turned facing the opposite way as each other.

Allen just giggled while eating his cake. Then he thought. _What would it be like to have that kind of bond with someone?_

- O -

Lavi had pulled an all nighter to complete his report on Allen, now tired and drained of energy Lavi got up from his desk walking towards his bed. With Allen's diary in hand he flopped down admitting a small groan from his lips. Slowly he flipped through the pages of Allen's dairy stopping on a page which looked like it was three quarters of the way though Allen's diary. After flipping past five or so pages he stopped and began to read. Before he read the entry he mumbled to himself. "I'll read this chapter in celebration of my completed report."

_October 2__nd__, 1887_

_Dear Diary, _

_It has been very hard here at the Asian branch the last couple of days. Trying to recover my innocence is tiering. I hope to recover it soon. Oh, I almost forgot, I was sitting thinking about everything that has been going on and Lou Fa appeared out of nowhere (Literally.) We started to talk and she said something that made me really think. What is precious to me? I started to think and this is what I came up with: my friends for they are my family, the Black Order for it is my home. Those two things are enough for me to keep moving forward. And then I got to thinking, who is precious to me? I though then came up with a few people: Lenalee? No, she is a great friend but she is not the reason I strive for. Krory? No. Miranda? No. Kanda? Hell no! Kamui? No. I could sit here and tell you all of the people that I can think of but I will just cut to the chase. I honestly think its Lavi. I know it sounds weird or crazy maybe even a bit creepy. But, there's just something about him I can't wrap my head around. For I have had mixed feeling about him for a while. However, he is a bookman and can have no feelings, and he is another man so it would be wrong. I just hope one day I can tell him how I feel before he leaves for good. _

_Allen Walker-_

Lavi just sat taken back by what he had read. "Allen Walker, the destroyer of time, the fighter for both humans and Akuma likes me?" Lavi sat mystified. "How could I have been so stupid?" Lavi covered his face with his hand. "And now he's gone forever."

During some point Lavi had put Allen's diary back in his wooden box. As he fell asleep he started to think of one thing. Allen Walker.

- O -

"Thanks for helping me carry these boxes." Lou Fa smiled at Allen as they walked down the hall of the Asian branch.

"You're welcome, I wasn't doing anything anyway." Allen smiled at Lou Fa carrying three cardboard boxes with what he assumed to be paperwork inside.

"I just with Riki and Shi Fou would be helpful like you." She sighed repositioning her arms to make the box carrying more comfortable.

"They don't help you with this?" Allen raised an eyebrow as he glanced at Lou Fa while rounding a corner.

"Nope, it gets really annoying." Lou Fa groaned letting out a deep sigh.

"I can imagine." Allen smiled sympathetically.

As silence fell between the two Allen was the first to speak. "Lou Fa, have you even felt like you like someone as more than a friend? When they already are your friend?" Allen voice somewhat shaking.

"Yeah, why?" Lou Fa looked at Allen with hopeful eyes.

"Well, there's this person I think I might like in that sort of way, but... I know it's impossible for it to happen considering this 'friend' has left and I don't have any idea of where they are. But, I can't stop thinking about them even though it's been over a year since the last time I saw them." Allen blushed after his long winded statement.

"Oh, are you talking about Lavi?" Lou Fa spoke with what appeared to be irritation in her voice.

"Yeah, what should I do?" Allen spoke sounding very confused.

Sighing a little bit Lou Fa began to speak. "What did he make you feel like when you were around him?"

"Um, I guess he made me feel happy, wanted, liked and he made me feel like I was walking on air." Allen thought slightly before he spoke.

"Really think about if you are ready to put yourself out for finding Lavi. Think about if he would truly genuinely like you back. If your answer stays the same by the end of the week go to Bak. He should be able to get some sort of hint or clue of where Lavi is." Lou Fa smiled trying to be supportive of Allen.

"Thanks Lou Fa." Allen smiled back towards her.

"But, you have to be ready for rejection or even failure. There are no promises that you will be able to find Lavi." Lou Fa explained cautiously.

"I know, and I'm ready for anything to happen." Allen smiled in understand meant. Then he quietly whispered to himself low enough so Lou Fa couldn't hear him. " Even if it means leaving getting heart broken."

After finishing up helping Lou Fa Allen went back to his room. Once allen had gotten back to his room he decided to read a journal entry. Once Allen had sat down on his bed he started to think about what Lou Fa had said earlier.

Was he really ready to push everything aside for Lavi? Allen thought about that for a while before he began to read Lavi's next entry.

_October 1__st__, 1887 _

_Dear Journal, _

_It's been really hard over the past couple days. Everyone is struggling to get over what happened with Allen. Including me, yes I am having troubles with excepting Allen's death. I just feel so bad he had to die alone. I wish I could have been there even if I could have tried to provide that small amount of comfort. Oh well, I need to get over these feelings. I do, don't I? _

_Lavi Bookman. Jr- _

"Lavi..." Allen whispered to himself. "I'll talk to Bak, I swear. I will do anything to make sure I can see you, even for just a moment."

- O -

**I thought this chapter was alright. Please Review and let me know! Anyway that's it for know don't forget REVIEW! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, I've been meaning to upload but never got around to it. So sorry for taking a little longer than usual to upload. Shout out time! Shout outs go to: EvangelineRose2412, DGrayManFanatic( It would be wonderful to skip off into the sunset with rainbows and unicorns x3), Kaida Amaya(Thank you for adding not only my story but me as well to your favorites and alerts), Fire15dsgirl, and XxlovelessYoaixX. Onto the story! **

- O -

The rest of the week had gone very slowly for Allen. He was waiting anxiously for the long dragging week to be over. He wanted to see Bak as soon as possible so he could at least get started to look for Lavi. Finally once Wednesday came Allen threw his arms in the air and said "Screw it!" He was sick of waiting he knew he wanted to do this so there was no reason to sit and wait while he could be on a train heading somewhere to look for Lavi. So he decided to go to Bak's office early contradicting to what Lou Fa had told him earlier this week.

"Come in!" Bak yelled from his desk just barley raising his voice to the knock that came from the door. 

"Hi, Bak can I talk to you about something?" Allen slowly opened the door and closed it behind himself softly.

"Sure, take a seat." Bak motioned towards the chair in front of his desk while still focusing on the paper before himself.

"Um, I was wondering if you perhaps have records of previous exorcists from the order." Allen said as he sat down in the chair Bak had offered.

"Why?" Bak looked up from his desk paying all of his attention to the exorcist in front of him.

"I want to find Lavi." Allen's voice was slightly shaky and stern.

"If I may ask, what for?" Bak leaned forward on his desk interlocking his fingers and resting his chin on said hands.

"I found something of his mixed up with my things and I think he should get it back. I also have something to tell him I neglected to tell him the day he left." Allen's face painted a slight pink as he spoke the last sentence.

"May I ask what is it you found of his?" Bak leaned back into his chair pulling open a drawer from his desk.

"A diary." Allen said nervously directing his attention to the floor below him keeping his eyes locked dead on.

"A diary? That's interesting." Bak raised an eyebrow digging through the drawer.

"Yeah, and I think he should have it back." Allen hated to lie to Bak but he needed a better excuse to find Lavi then _"I found out Lavi might like me and I have to confirm it myself." _

"So tell me what's the real reason you want to see him?" Bak pulled out a file from the drawer dropping it on his desk now focusing his attention back on Allen.

"_Damn." _Allen mentally punched himself for being such a bad liar. Sighing Allen looked at Bak straight in the eyes. "Ok, just don't tell anyone. I've always wanted to tell him I wanted to be more than friends." Allen blushed trying to redirect his eyes from Bak's.

"I see... You are aware that you probably won't be able to find him, right?" Bak's attention was once again back on the file digging through it's content.

"I know that. And I will be willing to give up what I have right now so I can see him." Allen spoke with a serous and stern voice showing his emotions about what he said.

"In that case here." Bak pulled out a stack of paper at least an inch thick. "Since we don't have any sighting of Akuma I will allow you to look for Lavi." Bak then held out the huge stack to Allen motioning for him to take it. Taking the papers Allen had a baffled look on his face. "These are all of the possible places Lavi could be." Bak explained while putting the file back in his desk.

"That's a lot of places." Allen widened his eyes as he flipped through the stack.

Bak nodded his head before he spoke. "I think that he would be somewhere in Europe, more specifically I think you should look around the eastern side. Try to visit all of the small towns and such around that area first." Bak sighed getting up from his desk, stretching out his arms above his head.

"Thanks Bak, I really appreciate your help." Allen smiled as he stood up from his chair as well.

"However, if any Akuma sighting do pop up around your area you are to immediately leave and take care of the Akuma, understood?" Bak walked over to the door and began to open it.

"Understood, thank you very much Bak. If you need anything just tell me." Allen smiled and joined Bak at the door.

"There's one thing, you didn't hear any of this from me. Got it?" Bak grinned awkwardly as they walked out of his office.

"Hear what?" Allen smiled as they walked down the hall both not exactly sure where they were going.

"Exactly." Bak grinned. "Oh yeah, don't forget to take Timcampy with you." Bak hollered and waved off to Allen before he entered the science division. Running towards what Allen presumed to be newbie's that were doing a procedure wrong.

"I sure hope I can find Lavi." Allen whispered to himself before he slowly walked to his room to pack.

- O -

"Damn paperwork." Lavi groaned rubbing his temples. "Stupid Gramps leaves for just two months to go to the clan's meeting and I get stuck with all of this." Lavi motioned to the large mountain of paperwork around himself. "I thought it would be nice to get away from the old panda, but no I have to work twice as hard then usual." Lavi raised his voice in obvious irritation.

After moping for a good ten minutes Lavi relaxed a bit and got back to work. Lavi had tried to take his mind off his paperwork before with attempting to read a diary entry from Allen's diary. However, it seemed to get him worked up after reading an entry; from reading first hand what Allen had gone through it made his life's problems seem petty.

Lavi's 'date' with Olivia was coming up soon. Lavi himself was not looking forward to the 'date', in fact he was dreading it. For he did not like Olivia in any sort of way besides that of a friend. The only person he had ever thought of wanting to be more than just friends was Allen.

"I wonder if he ever liked me back." Lavi asked himself as he walked out of his room and towards the small kitchen within the house.

Pulling out a coffee mug from a cabinet lavi sighed. "He probably didn't, I mean who would love an emotionless Bookman?" Lavi spoke with what seemed to be hatred directed to himself.

Pouring the freshly made coffee out of the pot and into his mug Lavi began to remember the truly good times he had with Allen.

Memories of them both laughing and smiling no strain in their actions. No sarcasm or mocking, nor sneering towards one another. Only grins and chuckles, cackles and smirks, only friendship. Something Lavi had never experienced until he came to the Black Order.

The dark brown coffee began to seep over the sides of the mug Lavi was holding, dripping to the counter before brining the daydreaming redhead to his senses. "Shit..!" Lavi focused his attention on his coffee mug and the coffee now spreading across the counter.

After cleaning his coffee spill up Lavi returned to his room to resume his long line of work he had to compete by the next month.

While he did his paperwork Lavi drifted of into his thoughts once more. This time thinking about what it would be like if he had stayed at the Order.

No matter how many times he thought up the possible outcomes Lavi always ended up seeing himself with none other than Allen Walker, of course as being more than _friends_.

- O -

Allen had nearly missed his train, due to the fact that he forgot Lavi's Journal and had to rush back to his room to retrieve the main thing that was allowing him to leave in the first place. Once Allen had got onto the train and gotten to his compartment he settled down and began to read an entry from Lavi's Journal.

_October 23__rd__, 1887 _

_Dear Journal, _

_I am proud to announce Allen Walker is not dead! Though on his arrival he went into combat with the Earl. Shortly afterwards we were transported to the 'Ark'. We all ended up fighting very strong and difficult opponents. Me? I was in Road's dream world and was stripped of all emotions as a true Bookman should be. Resulting in the fight between myself and Allen Walker. I am still upset at myself for fighting Allen even though I couldn't control myself I still feel terrible. He didn't fight back, though something Lenalee did tell me that he did was he hugged me. I have never been hugged before. I have wished it for years but, nothing .It may sound weird but I wish I was in my body at that time so I could feel his touch, his warmth, his love._

_Lavi Bookman. Jr- _

Allen's face turned a light pink after reading the entry. Lavi really thought of him that way? Maybe he did have a chance with Lavi after all.

Allen had soon fallen asleep on the train, rocking back and forth to the rhythm of turns. He would have continued to sleep but the train's loud horn woke him up making him realize he was already at the first stop. Once he had gotten off the train he realized the town itself was at least a mile away. On top of that it was a windy day with what looked like to be rain clouds in the sky. Allen had soon gotten to the town and began to look around for a loud redhead.

"Excuse me?" Allen turned around to see an older woman maybe in her 60's.

"Yes?" Allen politely smiled at the woman while getting bumped by many people who were in a hurry.

"You look lost, do you need some assistance?" The woman asked kindly, she was also being bumped by the busy people in the town.

"Actually I was wondering if you could help me find someone." Allen smiled awkwardly while rubbing the back of his head.

"Yes of course dear. Who is it you wish to find?" She smiled.

"My friend, he has bright red hair, green eyes, an eyepatch on his right eye, and he's very tall. Do you know if anyone in your town could possibly even look like him?" Allen explained Lavi's characteristics with his own body, showing the woman his hair and such when explaining.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know of anyone that even has red hair." The woman frowned sympathetically.

"Oh, ok thanks for your time." Allen waved slightly to the woman before he started to walk back to the train station. He would have searched more but, that town didn't have anything crazy or interesting going on. And that's kind of what Bookman record.

Traveling by train can be pretty boring. Allen definitely would admit to that. He had gone to two different towns today not including the first he went to. Nothing. He had been looking all day, to say he was exhausted was an understatement. His next destination was over six hours away so it gave him plenty of time to sleep. But every time he closed his eyelids all he saw was Lavi.

- O -

**This chapter was pretty much just a filler ._.'** **I hope it was alright. Yet again I'm sorry for being lazy and not uploading in the past couple days. I should hopefully have another chapter up soon. Don't forget reviews are greatly appreciated! **


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry I haven't uploaded in a little while. I will try to make this chapter longer to make up for it. Though I might not be able to upload at all next week because I might be going to my grandparents house. Oh joy...

Anyway, I got a lot of reviews for the last chapter and I wanted to say thanks to all of you who reviewed! **Kaida Amaya**,** EvangelineRose2412**, An anonymous reviewer that was very nice to tell me how much progress I'm making :3 (**hollieobygollie**?) **DGrayManFanatic**, **Allen 'Dango Sticks' Walker **(I like your user name :D,) and **kh07gl**. Thanks and cyber cookies go out to all of you!

- O -

The rest of Lavi's week went by surprisingly fast. When it came time for his 'date' he ended up leaving early. Just sitting with Olivia alone made Lavi feel guilty for some reason or another. He began to imagine Allen, standing next to Olivia with the saddest of emotions on his face. He looked betrayed, helpless, pained, hurt, let down, and over all he looked like he could shrivel into nothing. Even though Lavi knew he wasn't truly there he still just couldn't except the fact that he had lost the one thing that he once found important to himself.

Little did Lavi know Allen was searching for him mercilessly. It wasn't till Bookman got back from his meeting with the clan that he announced to Lavi that they would be moving on to the next town in store for them.

As Lavi was packing his things he ran across Allen's diary. He stood and looked at it with a mixed amount of emotions on his face. He thought and stared at the diary. He needed to get rid of it. If he ever wanted to become a true Bookman he had to shake of any signs of emotion. He thought about perhaps leaving it behind.

"Allen.." Lavi whispered his fingers grazing across the charcoal front of the worn diary.

"How pathetic, not only did I fall in love but I fell in love with the said destroyer of time." Lavi chuckled spitefully.

Coldly he threw the diary back into the wooden box it came from. It hit the bottom of the box echoing through his head dully.

"Is this what it's like to be a true Bookman?" Lavi asked himself running his fingers through his mess of fiery red hair. For if Lavi wanted to continue with being a Bookman he had come to realization that not only was a relationship between himself and Allen wrong but it was also impossible. He a Bookman's successor. Allen an exorcist. Who knew where their paths would lead them.

- O -

Allen had never felt so tired before in his life than he did right now. He had been endlessly searching for Lavi. However never before did he feel so driven to find Lavi. It seemed as if every time he didn't find Lavi it encouraged him that much more to find the successor. By the time a month had gone by Allen had searched only fifteen of the towns in western Europe. Even his lack of progress didn't slow him down, he would keep moving forward until he found Lavi. Though little did Allen know this one town would be different then the others he had visited.

Getting of the train Allen stretched his arms and legs. By now Allen had a routine: walk to the town, search, ask around, then ending up back at the train station. Looking around the train station he saw a decent amount of people waiting to board the train he just arrived on. Walking through the crowd something caught his eye. Off to his right he saw a patch of red swimming in the pool of people. Thinking briefly Allen decided against maneuvering through the crowd to check out that one red splotch. That there was the _worst _decision Allen had made.

Walking into the small town he spotted a small café and thought he would ask there if anyone had seen his redheaded friend. Walking into the small establishment Allen noticed a blonde haired woman behind a counter of pastries and sweets.

"Excuse me." Allen kindly smiled walking towards the woman. The woman looked slightly up at Allen returning his smile and replying with a very kind "Hello there, is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually yes, I'm looking for a friend. He is pretty tall, he's got red hair, green eyes, an eyepatch over one of the eye's." Allen explained motioning about how tall Lavi was.

"Oh, you must be talking about Rabi!" The woman smiled clapping her hands together and slightly swaying to the side.

" _That must be his new alias." _Allen thought. "You mean he's here?" Allen's voice overflowed with enthusiasm widening his eyes in shock.

"Well, not anymore... You see he left on the first departing train today with Mr. Bookman." The woman frowned showing her displeasure.

"No... Then that means... That red was...!" It hit Allen like a load of bricks. Shocking back to reality Allen bowed at the woman showing his appreciation, "Thank you very much but I must be leaving now!" Allen stood straight up running out of the café his heart beating faster and faster. "That was Lavi! Damn it..!" Allen cursed running as fast as he could to the now loading train. If he ran fast enough he could just barley get on.

The echoing of creaky doors closing shot through Allen dreading the new reality. "No!" Allen screamed trying to catch up to the tail end of the train. Maybe if he ran fast enough he could latch onto the end of the train. It was to late. The moment Allen reached the side of the train he saw that red face passing right in front of his eyes before disappearing off into a tunnel swallowing any last hope Allen had.

- O -

Sitting on the train Lavi saw what he thought was a blotch of white. Before he could confirm the train entered a dark black tunnel leading into a large mountain.

Leaning against his seat Lavi sighed looking at his small suitcase he had with him. It was mostly filled with documents. But there were some of his personal things in the small suitcase. He had his own compartment because Bookman said he didn't want Lavi to disturb his work. After sitting in silence for a few minutes Lavi decided he would perhaps read more of Allen's diary. Reaching into his pocket on the inside of the coat he was wearing Lavi retrieved the small warn book. Flipping through it until there was maybe ten pages left Lavi stopped and began to read.

_November_ _21, 1887_

_Dear Diary, _

_It has been so long hasn't it?_ _Well, a lot of things have been going on. There was a huge ambush that the Noah Lullubell lead with hundreds of level three Akuma, and many huge compacted level three Akuma. And one of those huge Akuma turned into a level four. Yes that's right a level four. I have never been so beaten up fighting anyone. (Well except for Tyki.) To say the Order was destroyed is an understatement. We will all be moving soon to different branches of the Order. I will be heading to the Asian Branch, Lenalee will be going to the North America Branch, Kanda will be going to the Oceanian Branch. As for Lavi he will be leaving the Order all together. I hate that he's leaving but I have to except it one way or another. Although I hope our paths will cross again someday. _

_Allen Walker- _

When Lavi really thought about it he was mentioned in at least every couple entries. "Allen sure seem to write about me a lot." Lavi chuckled slightly at how conceded he sounded. Seconds later Lavi sighed flipping a page in Allen's diary and began to read once again.

_December 2__nd__, 1887 _

_Dear Diary, _

_I have just arrived at the Asian Branch. Things are pretty different here. Well, I'm not writing this entry to tell you about the Asian Branch I'm writing this entry to try something Lenalee told me to do. I told her about my feelings for Lavi and she said I just needed to get it out of my system. She said to write down how I feel for Lavi as if I were talking directly to him. So here it goes. _

_Lavi, I have to say you are pretty good looking but I don't just admire you for your looks I admire you for being well, you. Your personality is so different, and fun. You almost always know what to say. You think my arm is cool and not disgusting. You actually told me yourself that I am your best friend. There are so many things you know that blow my mind away. Although there is one thing I have neglected to tell you, it is hard to say but here it goes. I love you. _

_Allen Walker- _

Love. Something Lavi had never experienced, he always wanted to know he was needed, wanted, and loved by someone. But he didn't want just anyone, no. He wanted someone who would never leave his side, who would be loyal, trusting, caring and of course loving.

- O -

Allen sat waiting for the next train to come staring off into the horizon. Looking down at his hands he balled them into fists eyeing the blood that surfaced on the scraped and cut flesh. How had he gotten those cuts? After the train left into the tunnel Allen lost it and screamed punching the rocky train tracks alternating his fists. He had never been so aggravated before in his life. He had the chance but he let it slip right between his fingertips. Lavi was right there, all he had to do was walk over to him. Once realizing that he had beaten both fists to a bloody pulp he decided to collect himself as best as he could and wait for the next train.

While Allen sat on an old bench waiting for the train he started to think. If Lavi was with Bookman like what the lady in the café said then that means he is still a Bookman in training. So we could never be-together. _An impossible relationship in an impossible world_. Allen thought. _After all it's just one of millions. _

- O -

Yeah, sorry it didn't turn out to be very long. I will try very hard tomorrow to write a chapter. Although I will not promise anything. Thanks for reading! And don't worry, I won't give this story a sad ending. Reviews are greatly appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

Shout out's go to: **Vault1412**, **EvangelineRose2412**, **Allen 'Dango Sticks' Walker**, and **OceanicCrownClown**! Thank you all very much for reviewing! Onto the story!

Trying to find someone you lost a long time ago is hard. It is hard both physically and mentally. The emotional stress chews you up and spits you out. The degrading feeling of failure, the feeling of all motivation and hope being beaten down. Getting so close where you can taste the victory, soon torn down. Allen would admit to experiencing all of that.

He practically had Lavi right in his fingertips. He was right in front of him. Just feet away. So close, yet so far.

Allen had done nothing but search after that. He barley gave himself time to eat or do anything besides look for Lavi. Yet all of his searching was in vain. Two years had gone by. Nothing but searching and the occasional mission from the Black Order._ "Why was it so hard to find one person?" _Allen would ask himself everyday.

Riding on trains seemed to give Allen anxiety. He actually liked to ride on trains when he began his search for Lavi. It gave him new hope that he could possibly find Lavi. By now he hated them. Every time he prepared himself for failure, every time he waited for the heartbreak. And it always came.

Allen had read Lavi's entire Journal by now. And there was one entry that caught his attention out of the whole Journal. He would read it over and over everyday. Truthfully he loved that one entry. He remembered the first time he read it like it was just the other day, when in reality he read it one week after he saw Lavi in that one town.

_-Flashback- _

Sitting alone in his small train compartment Allen twiddled his thumbs in boredom. After a few moments passed Allen decided he would read Lavi's last Journal entry. Pulling out the worn black Journal Allen sighed.

He enjoyed reading Lavi's Journal. When he thought about it sounded kind of creepy and stalker-ish. However it gave him an inside look at Lavi's perspective of the world, the Order, people, and surprisingly he found Lavi's thoughts on him. Some were good some were bad. Mostly good things, but the occasional nickname that annoyed Allen to no extent.

Flipping to the last written page of the Journal Allen frowned. It was the last time he would read something new about Lavi. It made Allen upset considering that he wanted to learn a lot more about Lavi.

As Allen began to read the entry his eyes widened in surprise.

_January_ _17__th__, 1888 _

_Dear Journal, _

_This will probably be the last time that I write in you for a long time. For Gramps and I are leaving the Black Order. I can say for once I will miss the people here. However I can't get wrapped up in emotions. Yes it will be sad, but they are all just ink on paper. Different place markers, some will be forgotten some will be remembered. In all their existence didn't change my life to drastically. Well there is one existence I know I won't forget. Allen Walker. Gramps says everyone is just ink on paper. Well I consider Allen a blotch of ink. A splatter that makes you wonder. One that covers all others. He hides the written words, making you find out yourself what those words once were. For he is so hard to figure out. You peg him as one thing then he proves you wrong. His existence can not be explained in words. Only by him himself. _

_That sounded pretty corny, didn't it? Oh well, I meant all that I said. Being sixteen and the destroyer of time is pretty big, so he deserves all of the attention he gets. However I will never know myself how his story ends. I wanted to stay at the Order, but my emotions were starting to get to real. So Gramps told me we are going to pack up and move on. I only wish I could have stayed. After all the emotions that are making me leave are the reason why I want to stay. The feelings I have for Allen have gone to far, well that's what Gramps says anyways. Which I can understand. My goofy hugs turned into hugs that lingered until Allen pushed me off. And between you and me. Secretly when Allen wasn't paying attention I would burry my nose in his soft hair and smell that sweet aroma. Agh, there I go again. Stupid emotions! Why must Allen be so irresistible? Maybe the old fart is right, perhaps I do need to get back on track with being a Bookman. _

_Just one more thing, before I leave here forever I want to say something to Allen. Well I'm going to act as if you are Allen, ok? Good. _

_Allen, I need to tell you something. It's kind of embarrassing but I'll do it anyway. I secretly stare at you when you're not looking. I follow you down the hall just to marvel at you. I actually like to watch you eat. I find it adorably cute. Especially when you get food on your face, and when I try to wipe it off you blush. I know that you try to hide it but I don't mind. Well I guess what I'm trying to say is that I Lavi, an emotionless Bookman love you. Please don't be disgusted that I love you, or that I'm a guy. Just please say it back. That's all I want, is for someone to love me. Say it. And mean it. _

_Lavi Bookman. Jr? _

After reading that Allen actually started to cry. No one had ever shown that much affection towards him_. _Heespecially didn't expect to read a love confession. It warmed his heart. That helped him push harder to find Lavi. Now he knew Lavi actually felt something towards him. So he wouldn't be walking into the darkness blind, but not clearly. He would just have the simple comfort of a small light. That light leading his way, giving him hope. And reminding him why he was doing this in the first place.

_-end of flashback-_

- O -

Smiling as he walked through the small town Lavi waved at the occasional person. He had been here for a year. The last town he stayed in Bookman ended up getting sick. He was so sick he couldn't do anything. And that's pretty serious, considering how Bookman always managed to do his work it was very bad. Lavi was of course worried. However Lavi never expected Bookman to pass on. And of course as Lavi expected Bookman's last words were as cold as ice, well part of them anyway.

"_Come on Gramps, It'll be alright you just can't give up!" Lavi tried to encourage Bookman who was lying motionless on his bed. _

"_Shut up stupid idiot. I know I'm going to die. I knew it was coming, and I don't care." Bookman spoke freezing the air in the room with his bitter words. _

"_Bu-" Lavi was cut off by the sound of Bookman coughing and wheezing. _

"_No excuses. You have been an alright kid. You've been a great successor. Don't forget that." Bookman gave Lavi one of his famous stern looks. _

"_Gramps..." Lavi whispered obviously upset by what was going on. _

"_Don't be a brat." Was the last thing Bookman said before his body went limp and his pulse went silent. _

"_You're as cold as ever. Even when you're dying." _

Remembering that day did sting a little, for Bookman was like a father to Lavi. It was pretty hard to get through Bookman's death but Lavi did it. Now he was living on his own in a small little town where everyone knew everyone. These were the types of towns Lavi truly liked.

Now Lavi was twenty one. He had many friends in this town. You could say he was the popular guy in this town. However he always knew when to draw the line between work and fun.

When Lavi returned home he tossed the food that he had bought in to his small kitchen before returning to his study to translate nano scripts. Many people in his new town called Lavi a workaholic. Lavi just simply accepted that. He worked because his work interested him. So yes Lavi had turned into a workaholic much like Bookman.

Settling in his chair Lavi pulled out a pen from a draw where it was resting and groaned as he looked at the huge stack of papers he had in his **To Do **pile and his couple sheets in his **Complete **pile.

"I knew I shouldn't have stayed at that bookstore. Know two hours later I come home with no books and heaps of work." Lavi let out a sigh that turned into a groan.

After nine hours of continuous work Lavi passed out in his chair from exhaustion. His arms dangling of the sides and his legs sprawled out in different directions. It all most looked as if he jumped at the chair and stayed in that position (if that makes any sense.)

When Lavi woke up in the morning he grabbed his head moaning in pain. Whenever he fell asleep while working he would wake up in the morning with a killer headache. Mumbling something that he didn't even understand, Lavi walked into his small kitchen rummaging through the medicine cabinet.

When he pulled out a small bottle he shook it slightly only to curse under his breath. "Out of all days I have to be out." Lavi grumbled before stumbling to his room, flopping down on his bed he groaned in pain rubbing his temples attempting to get rid of the killer headache.

Trying to think of anything to get rid of his headache Lavi slowly lifted himself off the bed. Opening the closet to the right of the room hiding behind the door. Lifting a box off of the high shelf in the closet Lavi managed to walk back to his bed. Sitting down with a sigh he opened the box he had set at his feet. Rummaging through the random objects Lavi finally pulled out a small black and dusty diary.

The last time he had read an entry of Allen's diary was at least a year ago. It was the second to last entry. He was going to read the last one but the train arrived at the station before he could even flip the page. This was when he was heading to the town he was now living in.

He decided to save that one last entry for a rainy day. But for now this would have to do. Flipping open the diary Lavi began to read.

_January 17__th__, 1888 _

_Dear Diary, _

_Today is the day that I will be leaving for the Asian branch. It is also the day that Lavi will be leaving the Order and us forever. I wish he would stay but he can't. Being a Bookman he can't have any attachments or emotions. And that is what is starting to happen, he is starting to develop emotions. Well that is what Bookman said anyway. I decided I am going to tell Lavi how I feel about him. It's not like I'll ever see him again. So I should tell him while he's still around. I just hope I can say it and that he won't reject me to harshly. _

_Allen Walker- _

"But you didn't say anything damn it!" Lavi shouted at the diary as if it were Allen. For the strangest reason Lavi had a nerve snap causing him to throw the diary at the wall closest to him roughly.

Grabbing the sheets under himself tightly in pure rage, Lavi covered his still existing eye with his other hand while gritting his teeth.

" You said you would tell me..! You didn't...! You say that I would reject you... I wouldn't reject you! I might have even stayed if you would have said something!"Lavi screamed his voice cracking only making him sob tears that he should have never shed.

- O -

Hi, sorry I haven't written in a while. Things have been a little hectic in my life. My family and I are moving so I've had little time to write. My time might even become more restricted later on this week. Well defiantly this upcoming weekend (that is when we are actually moving.) Anyway, thanks for reading and REVIEW! Please... TT^TT Oh yeah, I was wondering if any of you caught up on the Lavi Bookman, Jr? thing. If you caught what it means or you think you know what it means please tell me. It has meaning, it's not just a typo. Hopefully someone gets it!


	7. NOTICE

Dear readers,

I am ending all of my stories, I am sorry for I have lost total intrest in writting these stories. I have even lost intrest in D. Gray Man. If anyone wants to take over any story please feel free. I am sorry if I displeased or disapointed anyone.

p.s I will more than likely be deleting this account sometime soon.

-BHE


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